And what a beautiful truth it is.
I’m scared. Fill me up with Your love and strength and confidence because right now, I’m absolutely terrified. And I know You ultimately don’t care about my uncomfortableness—You’re much bigger than that. Help me to not be overwhelmed right now by my insecurities and self doubt and all I have to do. Lord help me to place my trust in You in everything and to remember to thank You for every moment you’ve blessed me with. Thank You for getting me as far as You have, because I know for sure it is not just on my own efforts. Lord, let me remember that You are with me. Your spirit is in me and even though I may not know what You are doing or where You are taking me, I know who You are and I pray that I rest in that. Thank You for loving me through my humanness.
In Your name I pray, Amen.
So this is me regurgitating things I have spent weeks digesting. I am still lost, but taking it day by day. I realize I’ve spent too much time waiting for a sign for me to move towards something but you know what? Screw it, I’m going to move. So I’m moving. Slowly, but semi-surely. I just feel like everyone around me is making plans, building a future, and I’m stuck in limbo trying to decide whether or not to lay foundations for things I don’t even know. But I guess what I do know is that I am loved and in love and that’s enough for me to keep going. I need to stop wallowing in my own tiredness and anxiety and look to God to fill me up. Human effort is limited and runs out easily, as I’ve learned. God’s love and strength and energy and everything simply doesn’t. God is eternal in every aspect and to think I can get by on my own is just so…silly. And human.
I think my goal for each day should be growth, whether it be my interactions with other people, my work ethic, my relationship with God, just some small personal victory. And then no matter how bad the day is, it won’t have been for nothing. Long term goals freak me out. But if I reach the everyday short term goals, they should come together in the long term right?
Anyways, today was a good day.
and I don’t quite know what to do about it.